Pure mad mental gear, man

I went to the sales in Glasgow today. I know, I know. I stored up as much calm and Zen-like detachment as possible in advance.

Shopping for jackets and work clothes was enlivened by spotting the latest streetwear trends. While in the posh jackets department of Frasers, some neds came in and started enthusing about the products on display. Obviously Burberry is so 2005, and all the kids now are into Aquascutum and Crombie. After a bit, the lads seemed to be following me between shops. "This guy's pure intae aw that mad gear, follow him!" I finally threw them off and bought something in Austin Reed.

I predict that soon only Conservative politicians will wear hoodies and trainers. The kidz will be hanging out in their hacking jackets and leather brogues, smoking walnut shag and listening to John Betjeman.